It’s a little known fact that ninjas can throw unlimited numbers of shuriken and all manner of assorted cutlery at their foes. Not only are they unlimited, but this endless supply is constantly thrown. All day. Every day. One game that reminds us of this fact is Ninja Commando.

According to dossiers that I am not at liberty to discuss, the oddly named Ninja Commando throws the player into a vertical scrolling “shooter” that entails kicking ass and taking names, or vice versa. You are but one of three elite ninja commandos charged with the task of defeating the evil “Spider” – obviously a bad guy – across multiple areas but also THROUGH TIME, ranging from the Stone Age to the Egyptian Era and all the way up to the Japanese Civil War Era. This game sounds like centuries of fun.

What I find odd about the whole setup, even outside of Time Cop ninjas, is the fact that “Commando” is involved in the title. Such a word brings about this dichotomy in aesthetics between “ninja” and “commando” and my overall feelings on how, separately, these two types of individuals would go about their mission. Conflating them together ostensibly blows my tiny mind in regards to how a Ninja Commando would actually react to a situation. “Should I be quiet, or should I BLOW THIS UP?” In the end I suppose that at their core, the three main characters – Ryu (not that Ryu, or this one), Rayar, and, of course, Joe Tiger – are commandos at heart. In this instance “ninja” is simply an adjective, bestowing the qualities of ninja as a whole onto our commandos. I hope for their sake they are able to balance their overt desire to explode things commando-style for the more subtle stylings of the silent ninja.

What am I even talking about? Did you see that video up there? THIS SHIT IS GOING TO BE AWESOME.

More info: